Open invitation: Understanding polyamorous and ethically non-monogamous daters

Feeld and Multiamory co-sponsored a survey in partnership with OPEN (the Organization for Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy), designed by leading non-monogamy researcher Dr. Amy Moors, to explore how people practicing ethical non-monogamy experience dating, relationships, and connection today. The survey received nearly 6,000 responses, with 42% coming from Feeld members.

Here’s what they taught us about their dating lives.

Poly and ENM daters value independence

ENM isn’t necessarily about dating everyone your partner is dating (or vice versa). In fact, 70% of our survey respondents who use dating apps are exploring as individuals. While about 1 in 4 of these people said they were exploring by themselves because they always date separately from their partner(s), the remainder told us they value their independence and have different needs and preferences from the people they're partnered with.

However, different subsets of the ENM community have different views on dating together, or separately. Unsurprisingly, solo poly respondents were 10x more likely to set up their dating profiles as individuals, whereas the majority of swingers created shared or linked accounts. In fact, although swingers only made up 3% of survey respondents, they accounted for 32% of those using shared dating profiles.

Overall, only 11% of ENM daters are looking for couples, further solidifying our understanding that ENM daters are mostly looking to make romantic and sexual connections with individuals, as individuals.

As Brett Chamberlain, Executive Director of OPEN explains, “The data shows what we've always known: non-monogamous people aren't following a script. They're exercising individual agency to build relationships that reflect their own needs and desires instead of fulfilling social expectations.”

Finding community is a top priority for ENM daters

Nearly half of all survey respondents rated lack of access to community as a moderate or severe stressor in their lives. In fact, making ENM friends and finding community were more popular goals than looking for sexual and romantic connections with their partner(s). Aromantic and asexual survey respondents were especially more likely to list community and friendship as their main goals for creating online dating profiles.

Furthermore, queer survey respondents were the most likely to write in creative uses of dating profiles, including showing off toys or kink gear, finding artistic and creative collaborators, making non-prescriptive connections (i.e. seeing where things go, rather than looking for a friend or a date), and finding educational resources and workshops.

More experienced respondents consistently cited ENM awakenings taking place once they found the language and community to describe their desired relationship structures. 86% of respondents have been ENM for 2+ years, and 54% have been ENM for 5+ years, with a full quarter (25%) practicing for 10+ years! Discovering community and shared language allowed these respondents to realize, better understand, and communicate their ENM preferences.

“One of the most robust predictors of positive mental and physical health outcomes is social connection and support,” adds Dr. Amy Moors, Associate Professor at Chapman University and Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute. “In fact, the Surgeon General of the U.S., Dr. Murthy, identified a lack of social connection and loneliness as a critical public health issue, equating its mortality impact to the equivalent of smoking up to 15 cigarettes daily.”

"This data on people who practice consensual non‑monogamy offers new insight into how they seek community—a top goal for using dating apps—and how these networks function as social support. In additional analyses of the 2025 survey, respondents rated their network of non‑monogamous friends as a top source of support, and this was especially pronounced among those currently receiving caregiving.”

As always, there are no universally agreed-upon umbrella terms

Some labels are more sticky than others. When respondents were asked to label their flavor of ENM in a multi-select question, and then again as a single-select question, most switched to poly (24%) or ENM/CNM (consensual non-monogamy) (18%) as their singular umbrella term of choice. However, swingers, relationship anarchists, monogamish people, and solo poly respondents stuck to those more specific labels when required to choose only one.

Which umbrella term you identify with is strongly related to your specific flavor of ENM. Preferences for poly vs. ENM/CNM as an umbrella label are divided: Triads, kink, and fetish respondents, and those practicing poly variations like kitchen table and garden party polyamory were most likely to choose the poly umbrella. Swingers, monogamish, and open respondents were more likely to choose ENM/CNM as their umbrella label of choice (rather than poly).

“There's no single 'right' way to be non-monogamous, and there's no single term that captures everyone's experience. That diversity isn't a problem, it's a feature,” says Brett Chamberlain, Executive Director of OPEN. “The challenge isn't getting everyone to agree on one label; it's building a world where everyone is treated with dignity and respect, regardless of what labels they use.”

Feeld members know better than anybody that there isn't one "right" way to practice polyamory or ethical non-monogamy. There's an unending spectrum of different dynamics, structures, agreements, and arrangements to explore—each offering opportunities for deepened self-discovery, meaningful connection, and fulfillment—where independence and community can thrive in open partnership.